William Campbell is Alive & Well ... (or: "Let It Be Vegetarian")

Macca sez: "Eat No Beef". Word.

I was minding my own business and casually scanning through YouTube the other night when a video popped up titled "Paul McCartney's Meat Free Foods Recipe Competition". Curiosity got the better of me so I checked it out.
In a nutshell, McCartney posted the video as an open invitation to all UK residents challenging them to come up with, and submit, the best meat-free recipe they can to him and they will be in the running to have their recipe featured in the "Linda McCartney Meat Free Foods" frozen meals range.
Really??
I know cooking shows like Masterchef, Hell's Kitchen and Iron Chef are all the rage now, on the verge of over-exposure even, but seriously - this is a former Beatle and one of the most successful songwriters/entertainers of the 20th century. Does he really need to be doing this? This doesn't sound like the same Paul McCartney we know, does it?....

The Beatles "Butcher Cover" - Never released

And then I suddenly remembered: it doesn't make sense because Paul McCartney died way back in 1966 and was replaced by an imposter. The man we see on the YouTube video is actually William Campbell who, unlike McCartney, is alive & well and also a committed vegetarian. I mean, the real McCartney couldn't be a vegetarian could he? He was the guy who appeared on the infamous Beatles "Butcher Cover" surrounded by dismembered dolls and raw red meat!! Are we expected to believe that this is the same guy??

If all this sounds far-fetched - fear not. It sounds made up, but believe me it's true. It must be true, because it's on the Internet! So after scanning all the evidence, I thought I'd bring you all up to speed on the story and the clues that have been provided that prove once and for all that Paul McCartney died in 1966 and was replaced by an imposter named William Campbell. Things get a a little macabre along the way, but stick with it. Let's begin the story....

"Paul Is Dead" - Coincidence or Cover-Up?

On October 12th 1969 a Detroit radio DJ named Russell Gibb announced on-air that Paul McCartney was dead, and that many clues signifying his death a few years earlier were littered across Beatles album covers and song lyrics.  The story of Paul’s alleged death had begun to circulate around American universities throughout September 1969, and when the news reached Gibb he was impressed enough to announce the news on his radio show.

The basic story went as follows: that Paul McCartney was involved in a fatal car accident at 5am on Wednesday, November 9th, 1966, following an all-night Beatles recording session. It was alleged that Paul left hastily after an argument with the other Beatles and was speeding at the time he passed through an intersection and collided with another vehicle. The result was a horrific crash in which Paul was burned and disfigured beyond recognition.
When the rest of the Beatles’ inner circle were made aware of the stunning news that the male occupant of the car was Paul, severe shock turned to panic as they endeavoured to keep the news from leaking out to the media. Understanding the impact that such traumatic news would have on the legion of Beatles fans around the globe, a cover-up was devised, involving Paul being replaced by a lookalike.

William Campbell, Beatles White Album, 1968

A “Paul McCartney Look-Alike” Contest was scheduled in early 1967 - enter William Campbell, the winner who was offered a significant amount of money to become “the new Paul”. It was to be made easier for Campbell to succeed in the cover-up by the announcement from the Beatles in 1967 that they would no longer tour, preferring instead to develop their sound in the studio. The only discernible difference between Campbell and McCartney was a small scar on Campbell’s upper lip – which the real Paul didn’t have. William Campbell’s photo appeared in the poster that accompanied The Beatles (The "White Album") in 1968.
With Campbell on board, the Beatles carried on together, but decided to release a number of clues on their album covers and within song lyrics that would reveal the fate of the real Paul.

The first major clues were included on the Sgt Pepper album, being the first album produced by the Beatles following the death of Paul, and are as follows:

Sgt Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967

• The cover is symbolic of a funeral held for the “Beatles”, showing the name of the band being spelled out in flowers over the grave. The passing of the Beatles was to be replaced with a new identity – “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band”

• A flower arrangement in the shape of a bass guitar is laid out in the foreground. When looking at this arrangement closely, it seems to spell out “PAUL?”, as if questioning whether McCartney still exists

• A raised hand appears above Paul’s head, which is said to be an Indian sign of death 

· Wax replicas of the young Beatles appear to the left of the group – with Paul consoling Ringo as he mourns over the grave site

· When a mirror is held horizontally across the centre of the words “Lonely Hearts” on the kick drum, a message appears, which reads:

“1 ONE IX HE ^ DIE”

The “1 One” can be interpreted as “11”, whilst “1X” may be interpreted as the roman numeral “9” - thus giving us the date of the fatal accident – 11/9, or November 9 (following the American system of month /date /year when referring to dates).The next letters clearly spell out “HE DIE”, with an arrow pointing directly up at Paul.

· On the back cover of the album, Paul is the only “Beatle” with his back turned on the camera, as if he no longer fit in with the rest of the group. The album’s song lyrics were superimposed on the back cover, and the words “WITHOUT YOU” appear to the right of Paul’s head

• The lyrics to “A Day In The Life” detail the aftermath of the accident in November 1966 that killed Paul: 

“…He blew his mind out in a car … he didn’t notice that the lights had changed …. A crowd of people stood and stared …. They’d seen his face before….”.

This was rumoured to be the first song that John Lennon wrote following Paul’s death.

More clues followed on The Beatles (White Album) in 1968:

• On the inside cover, the large portrait of "Paul" clearly shows a scar on his lip – which the real Paul didn’t have – supposed proof that the photo was of Paul’s replacement, William Campbell

• At the very end of Lennon’s track “I’m So Tired” some gibberish is spoken - before the start of “Blackbird”. When played backwards, the phrase “Paul is a dead man – miss him, miss him, miss him” can be heard

• During the track “Revolution 9” the phrase “Number 9, Number 9” is repeated over and over. When played backwards, you can hear phrase “Turn me on dead man, turn me on dead man”

• Amidst the cacophony of sound that is “Revolution 9”, a violent car crash can be heard, followed by the words “get me out! get me out!”, which is a vivid description of the accident that claimed Paul

Abbey Road, 1969

Finally, some of the most revealing clues surfaced on the Beatles Abbey Road album in 1969:

• The cover of Abbey Road depicts a funeral procession, with John as the minister, Ringo as the undertaker, Paul as the deceased, and George as the gravedigger

• Paul is barefoot and has his eyes closed, representing a corpse, and is also out of step with the other three, who are leading with the left foot

• Paul has a cigarette in his right hand, although he is a natural left-hander

• The car on the road in the distant background is heading directly for Paul

• A black morgue wagon is parked on the right side of the road

• The VW parked on the left has a license plate that says “28IF” (meaning that Paul would have been 28-years old - or in his 28th year of life - IF he had lived)

So there you have it. Pretty convincing stuff. And it actually makes a lot of sense now, looking back, knowing that it was William Campbell, not McCartney, that was responsible for that sappy stuff that Wings put out in the 1970's. He continued to release sub-standard material in the 1980's, toured the world numerous times, and was eventually knighted by Queen Elizabeth II as "Sir Paul McCartney" in the late 90's. Not bad for a stand-in...

Australia Day: "Meatheads Unite!"

Attention fellow Australians....

After a long wait, the 26th of January is nearly upon us again - which means 2 things: a public holiday, and a duty for us to be LOUD & PROUD about the greatest nation on earth: Aussie!!!

Time to dig out your singlets, don your very best Aussie thongs and gather with your mates to celebrate in true Aussie style. Make sure you're well stocked with VB and that the first tinny is cracked well before 10am - after all, there's only so many hours of celebrating to cram into the day, right?

Aussie thongs: Classy

If you need to drive anywhere on Australia Day, there's some rules you need to follow. Firstly, it is mandatory for you to grind out a big burnout as you pull out of your driveway. If you're a perfectionist like me, you'll want to  check which way the wind is blowing first and position the car accordingly to maximize the amount of tyre smoke that drifts over your neighbour's property. Don't worry about any repercussions - this is Australia Day and you're an Australian. This is your right!
Secondly, if you already have 4 of those cheap Aussie flags perched on top of each passenger window, challenge yourself to be "more Australian" and try to get a big flag on there somewhere. Be creative: drape it over the bonnet or across the back window, or even hang it off the tow-ball so it can skim along the road in your car's wake. Again, don't worry about minor concerns such as your personal safety or the safety of fellow road users - the important thing is to show the world where you're from. And finally, it's un-Australian for your windows to be up on this special "Day of Days": all 4 windows need to be down so that pedestrians and other road users can hear "Chisel's Greatest Hits" blasting out across the urban landscape. Ignore the funny looks from these people - this day is about YOU. Don't let them get you down. If you feel their disapproving glances are crossing the line just hurl abuse at them from your moving car. It's your birthright!

The Southern Cross Tattoo: Unique

After an afternoon of heavy drinking and loud Aussie music, make your way down to the Perth foreshore as belligerently as possible. If no bins are provided for your convenience along the way, simply toss your empties into a nearby garden. Make sure you and your mates are still wearing your singlets, as you will need to show off your new Southern Cross tattoos. These tattoos serve a dual purpose: firstly they let everyone know that you are acutely aware of one of the major constellations in the Milky Way, and secondly if you get separated from your group in the swarming masses you can just look for the group of guys with the Southern Cross tattoos and all will be sweet.  Easy, aye?
One other important point to remember: do NOT wear deodorant. This point cannot be stressed too severely, people. It is essential that you leave that cloud of BO in your wake as you move through the crowds on the foreshore. If your traveling in packs and at least one of you is wearing deodorant, then your potency is diminished. Like a feline that marks it territory, its important that you let everyone know where you've been.

Available where all good crap is sold

Australia Day is also a day of "accessorizing".  Make sure you stock up at your local Red Dot with all the accessories that will mark you out as a true Australian. I'm talking about the Aussie Green & Gold Mohawk, the Aussie Flag tote bag, and a fistful of Aussie Flag hand wavers. Ignore the fact they are all made in Chinese sweatshops. The Chinese know how awesome we are, and this is their way of paying their respects to us on our special day.
There is also one item that has become a bit of a perennial favourite: the Australian Flag Cape. Worn by only the "most Australian" amongst us, the Aussie Flag cape, if used properly, should be beer-soaked and smelling like your singlet by the end of the day. Never mind the fact that the Aussie flag is a sacred symbol to many other citizens, and the fact that our forefathers fought for our freedoms under this symbol - these are merely petty truths standing in the way of you having a great time. So continue clowning along and desecrating the National symbol with your mates on your special day - remember its a free country!

Unfortunately whilst at the Perth Skyshow there are a few obstacles that often crop up that threaten to dampen your Australia Day experience. Drinking zones are there to be ignored. Get as tanked as possible and then move away from said zones to mingle with other revelers. There's nothing worse than staggering around trying to avoid families on picnic blankets enjoying the evening in each other's company. Worse still is when some older guy has the audacity to ask you to watch your language around his children. It's best to ignore these people, however if they are persistent, there's nothing more Australian than starting a fight. But be sure to get your mates first so they can help kick the guy into unconsciousness while he's on the ground.

When the fireworks finally kick off, crank your radios to 11 and sing along to the veritable barrage of back-to-back classics: The Oils' "Beds Are Burning",  Icehouse's "Great Southern Land", Yothu Yindi's "Treaty", Men at Work's "Down Under" and even a bit of "Imagine", as you and your mates hold your mobile phones aloft to Kings Park, lost in the ecstasy of the moment.

After a short half hour it all suddenly ends - time to finish the VB's and commence the long stagger home. Tomorrow it's back to normal. The "most Australian" amongst us will leave those plastic flags on our cars for an extra few weeks to help keep the dream alive - the rest of us will just quietly cross off the days on our calendars until we can do it all again on 26th January, 2012.

Who's badder than James Brown?

"Who's Bad?" Graffiti portrait of JB in Berlin

I was listening to the radio in the car the other day,  enjoying a sunny Saturday afternoon and only half alert to the steady stream of easy-listening classics filtering through the speakers, when my ears were suddenly arrested by a familiar and very welcome sound.
"Whoah!".
It was James Brown's signature yell that kicked off his 1965 hit "I Got You (I Feel Good)", a song that packs more power, soul and feeling into it's two-minute-and-forty-seven second duration than the entire decade of the 1980's could muster.
I listened and grooved along, and then it was over - back again to the standard "middle of the road" playlist that so many radio stations are content to pump out ad nauseam. It was like an alien transmission had hijacked the airwaves for 3 minutes to shake the listener back into consciousness - and get some feet tapping at the same time....

They don't make characters like James Brown anymore. Michael Jackson tried to convince us he was "Bad" - but James Brown was "Bad-Ass".

The Man and The Cape

He was the man responsible for some of the finest R&B, soul & funk music of the 20th century and is remembered for his high-energy live shows and his fondness for crushed blue velvet suits. There's not many performers who can wear a cape on stage without damaging their street cred (I'm looking at you, Vegas-era Elvis), but James Brown did it with style and flair over a career lasting more than five decades.
 He was known by many names over the years, from "The Godfather of Soul", "The King of Funk" and "Mr. Dynamite", to hipper titles such as "Soul Brother Number One" and, my personal favourite, "The Hardest Working Man In Show Business". He rose to fame in the late 50's and early 60's - back when it was acceptable to release an album called It's A Man's Man's Man's World without being stoned in the street by the feminist movement - and had his own personal MC on stage at every concert who introduced him with a barrage of superlatives that wouldn't be out of place in the World Wrestling Federation. His 1963 album, Live At The Apollo is considered by many to be one of the greatest live albums of all time. 

In The Jungle Groove (Compilation, 1986)

In the late 60's he became more vocal in his support of the civil rights movement and his songs became more politically charged, with titles such as "America Is My Home" "Get Up, Get Into It, Get Involved" and "Say it Loud - I'm Black And I'm Proud", the last of which became the unofficial party anthem of the Black Panthers.
His most funkiest work came in the early to mid-1970's, and the music he produced during this period would have a huge influence on the hip-hop movement 20 years later.
He is regarded as one of the most sampled artists in hip-hop, with "Funky Drummer" providing possibly the single most sampled drum break in music history. This track, and other works recorded between 1969 and 1972 were compiled on In The Jungle Groove (1986), which is the best place to start for anyone interested in "getting their funk on".

As Reverend Cleophus James, in The Blues Brothers (1980)

The man could also dance. He produced moves onstage which would have made Fred Astaire blush (Note: I've already made one Michael Jackson reference so far - besides, you can only blush if you have blood flow in your face, right?), and his cameo as the jiving Reverend Cleophus James is one of the highlights of The Blues Brothers movie in 1980. He had another notable cameo in an episode of The Simpsons, performing "I Got You (I Feel Good)" at the Springfield "Do As You Feel" festival, showcasing all his classic signature moves. This is a man who does the splits on stage, dammit - could any man be more committed to his art than by risking his own groin for entertainment value !?! Come on Bono, let's see you top that you preachy prat!

The other thing about "Soul Brother Number One" that should not be overlooked is the fact that he spent 6 of his 73 years on this earth behind bars. Over the years he gained a rap sheet that would have made a Gangsta rapper green with envy - with offences including theft, possession of unlicensed weapons, drug-related charges and assault, as well as numerous arrests for alleged domestic violence. No huge surprises, really, for a guy that once sang the line "I don't know karate, but I know ka-razy!!"

The Brown mug shot, 2004

James Brown continued performing well into his 70's despite periods of ill-health, and eventually died at the age of 73, in 2006. And in typical James Brown style, he didn't die on just any day of the year - he went out in the early hours of Christmas Day. What a Bad-ass!!

So as I flip through the FM stations in the car looking for further inspiration, I start thinking about ways I can be as Bad-ass as James Brown, and immediately decide on my new nom de plume: "The Hardest Working Man in Cyberspace".

For Those About To Road-Trip...

When planning a road-trip, it's common for motorists to cover-off on the universal basics of vehicle safety prior to their departure.  This may include such menial tasks like checking the vehicle's tyre pressure, squeezing the engine hoses, topping up the oil and filling the windshield wiper reservoir.

Sure. Go ahead and waste time on these boring (and possibly life-saving) duties. Very few people, however, take the time to stop and think about the single most important aspect of the road-trip: The Soundtrack.

For many of us, what you listen to on your journey will be as memorable as what you see along the way. It's not uncommon for some of us to spend a few days prior to the journey in quiet contemplation of what albums will provide the aural backdrop to our motoring experience. If you make the wrong choice things can turn pear-shaped quickly and may lead to dire consequences, such as being reduced to listening to AM radio, sitting in silence, or talking to a loved one....

After many weekend getaways to the South West of WA over the years, amounting to hundreds of hours of quality listening time,  there are two albums in particular that I seem to return to time and time again - and they are both by The Doors.

Morrison Hotel (1970)

I like to kick off with Morrison Hotel (1970) - the first Doors album released after lean, iconic, cleanly-shaven Jim Morrison gave way to beardy, bloated & bluesy Jim Morrison.
The first swig of Masters Iced Coffee has already hit the back of my throat as the opening riff of "Roadhouse Blues" starts to crank out of the speakers and I ease the car into gear....

"Keep your eyes on the road, you hand upon the wheel..."

For a band without a bass player, The Doors pack some punch on this album. The straight-ahead rock of the opening track transitions into the slow, meditative verses of "Waiting For The Sun", which is about where I start leaning back into my seat and feeling one with the universe.
Over the course of the next half hour we navigate the honky-tonk blues of "You Make Me Real", the funky, wah-wah infused "Peace Frog", and the dreamy hangover tones of "Blue Sunday" and "Indian Summer" - different moods which work together to mellow the mind and provide a perfect contrast to the vision of terrible WA drivers lurching between lanes on the Forrest Hwy.

It seems like it's over way too quickly. And the only way to follow it up is to proceed immediately to the next logical step - Jim Morrison's swansong with The Doors, L.A Woman (1971).

L.A Woman (1971)

This is where things start to get rougher and throatier, courtesy of the thumping blues of "Been Down So Long", "Crawling King Snake'' and "Cars Hiss By My Window" - perfect tunes for banging the beat out on the steering wheel with one hand, while the other guides a McDonald's Double Quarter Pounder into sweet oblivion.

Of course you'll get the stares from drivers in the next lane as they watch you belting out "The Changeling" at the top of your lungs, but these are minor concerns which disappear quicker than a Daewoo Matiz in your rear view mirror the moment you hear the intro to the title track,"L.A Woman". This very well could be the greatest road song ever - Jim's ode to the seedy streets of L.A, propelled along by the rest of the Doors at their musical peak...

"L.A Woman, Sunday afternoon. Drive through your suburbs, into your blues..."

Be sure to crank up the volume when the band emerge from the slow break into Jim's "Mr Mojo Risin'" refrain. For me, this part is on the same level as the operatic bit in Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody" - it takes the song to a whole new level, whilst at the same time seems to be taunting you with an unheard challenge: "Go on, I dare you NOT to sing along to this!"

"Riders On The Storm" feels like the end of the journey, as it was for Jim and The Doors - and if you've traveled this far you're probably starting to feel some heaviness in your eyelids. The rain-imitating sounds of Ray Manzarek's Fender Rhodes piano provides sweet solace to the weary traveler before Jim brings some paranoia into the mix by introducing the "killer on the road". After some sublime instrumental breaks, the whole thing eases slowly to a close with the delicate sounds of distant thunder & driving rain, and before you know it you find yourself back in the real world, blinking in the sunlight.

It's about that time you casually glance at the temperature gauge and the steam escaping from your bonnet and quietly curse yourself for not doing that vehicle check.

Captain Beefheart's 70th Birthday: "If You Got Ears, You Gotta Listen"

The other day I was eating a donut and reading the newspaper at a local shopping centre, when I noticed the date, 15th January, at the top of the page. I instantly remembered that it would have been the 70th birthday of perhaps my biggest musical hero, Captain Beefheart, had he not passed away last month (aged 69 , funnily enough...).

Normally a Saturday donut saves me from mundane human feelings like "sadness", but I must admit I felt a tinge of this human emotion in my heart as I recalled the passing of Beefheart (AKA Don Van Vliet) - a man who released his last album in 1982 and then drifted off quietly into the world of abstract painting.

He struggled to make a buck in his 15 active years in the music business but he did drop his opus, Trout Mask Replica, on us in 1969.

It's an album that divides people. There is no middle ground with this record - you either love it or absolutely can't stand it. It's got elements of raw delta blues, avant-garde jazz, spontaneous soprano sax freak-outs, field recordings, poetry recitals and sea shanties, all rolled together in a 2-LP set, produced by friend and occasional nemesis Frank Zappa.

Trout Mask Replica (1969)

There's nothing else like it in the history of popular music, and if I was (un)lucky enough to spend my remaining days as a castaway on some remote foreign shore, with naught but a vintage 2004-model iPod or mp3 player capable of storing 28 songs only, then this is what I would listen to - endlessly trying to piece together an understanding of the chaotic time signatures, and wondering why the hell all the musicians seem to be trying their hardest to play something completely different to the other members of the band.

But it WORKS dammit!!! And Beefheart's voice is the cherry on top. As the man said himself: "If you got ears, you gotta listen".  Check it out. Love it or hate it, it's worth the experience.

So as we enter a new decade, seemingly hell-bent on indulging the fantasies of a continuous conga-line of talentless Australian/American Idol posers, spare a thought for those lesser known artists who gave something original and thought-provoking to their audience. Beefheart must have known he'd never become a millionaire (or even "popular") putting out albums like this, but the man was committed to his vision - however bizarre it appeared to the rest of the world.

So hat's off to you Captain. May you rest in peace, and let's hope that those with ears find them and put them to good use.

And while we're on the subject of being committed to your vision, I think its time for another donut.

An Intro of sorts ....

I must confess one thing from the outset - I'm a big music fan. Not just a run-of-the mill fan, more of a hardcore fanatic. I'm that guy at parties who's in the corner talking some dudes ear off about who produced The Stooges first album, and why it matters.
I'm a details man. When I hear a record I like to know when it came out, who's in the band and who produced it. I like to figure out where it fits in the big scheme of things - the influences it draws on and the originality (if any) it conveys to the listener. Not to say that all music needs to be labeled or pigeon-holed into a particular style or genre - I'm more interested in seeing if I can identify where it fits amongst the rich tapestry that is the "History of Recorded Sound" (or something like that .... it sounded less pretentious in my head).
Basically, it all comes down to what Mick Jagger said in '74: "It's Only Rock & Roll, But I Like it". And they knighted the bastard so I guess he was on the right track!